Broken...

God says in Psalm 34:18 that, "I am close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit." My family has endured a lot this week...too many losses. I have been reading through the Psalms and this scripture stuck out with much hope that we serve a God who is close to us when we are broken...thank you God!

This has been tough. I have never been so sad, so tired, and without a plan. For twenty months I was the mother of two loving and adorable children, and I loved every minute. Due to life's demands, I quit many things...ministry in the church being one of them. I don't regret laying other responsibilities aside, I just find myself in a weird place in life now. It's weird and yet refreshing to be back at square one, trying to figure out what to do next. For the time being, I am sitting still waiting on His lead.

Last week, I was gone every night. This new found freedom can be intoxicating. However, today I found myself tired, sick and coming to terms with the quietness of my home. This was a good thing...I hope.

On Wednesday, I had coffee with my good friend Jill ...she is so strong. A true woman of God who has claimed victory over hardships. She reminded me of the need to be grateful for what God has given us. So here is what I am grateful for:

*That I had the boys for 20 months, which were filled with countless God moments. They are precious boys and I feel blessed to have been their mother. I know that God had them here for a reason and I trust that someday I will understand what that reason was...I pray for great and amazing things to come forth in their lives.

*For my family and friends who came over last Thursday night to say goodbye and to pray over the boys...there is strength in prayer!

*I am grateful that I was able to talk to the boys on Monday. This was so hard, but good all at the same time...

*I am thankful for my precious sister-in-law, Melissa, who came over and took pictures of the boys and I on their last day here...thanks Melissa!! and thanks for crying with me :)

*For my Mom and Daniel who came over on Monday and cleaned the boys' rooms and did the last bit of laundry for me...she knew I couldn't go into their rooms, she knew my heart, and served in the dearest way possible. Thanks mom and Daniel!

*For Amy who took the time to make two life books for the boys...you are an awesome aunt and sister!

*For Shannon and her scheduled prayer time for the boys. Thanks friend...

*For my movie night with Kristi...thanks for the tears! I've NEVER seen you cry in the theater!

*For my co-workers who were sensitive and patient with me...and no I wasn't on drugs :)...just tired.

*For Bridget and her willingness to stay after and workout with me and her steadfast friendship...where would I be without you friend!

*I'm really glad that my best friend lives in California, I can call her late at night :). I am grateful that I can just say that this pain sucks, and she completely knows what I mean because (unfortunately) she has been there too.

*I appreciate the distraction of great phone calls from a good friend from down south...wink!

Well tonight I am closing the day grateful for a God who is close to the brokenhearted. He is a God who is gentle and patient with me...

Here are a couple of pictures of the boys on their last day here...enjoy!