Staying Warm...

A little after 5am this morning I received a wonderful call from my good friend Bridget, announcing that today is a Snow Day! Immediate delight in the form of a huge smile ran across my face. I love that my job is cancelled when the weather outside is frightful!

I prayed, as I do every winter, that a snow day might happen...and I had a plan of what I would do if this day came. That's right...I'm goal oriented! Today, after sleeping in to the ripe hour of 9:30 in the morning. I got up, checked my email, perused Facebook, wrote a note in Facebook, called my mom to see if she was okay (she just had surgery on Monday), took a shower and then set off to work on my plan. My goal by this afternoon was to sip a fresh cup of coffee while reading a good book.

The first thing on my list was to shovel my driveway. This summer will mark my 5th year living in this house and I have never shoveled my own driveway. Not due to lack of wanting to clear the driveway, but because I have wonderful neighbors who always clear it before I get out there. So, now I am making cookies for them. I think it's a sweet trade off--haha!

Since that task was marked off of my list, I went straight to the second. Laundry! I hate doing laundry! But, I have made an oath on a pile of dirty clothes that I vow to keep up with them in 2009. So far, so good. A load is drying as I type these words.

Between the laundry and cookie baking, I have cleaned the bathrooms, loaded and started the dish washer, and organized my room. I have finished another day in my Beth Moore Esther book and I organized my IPod songs and added a few new ones.

Now those close to me are wondering what is wrong...after all, you know that I am not this driven to clean my house on a normal basis. Well, silence. A quiet home leads to thinking about the boys and that can be painful. It has been three and a half weeks since they left. And although I feel so blessed to have spent time with them and to talk to them, my heart still hurts for them. Please remember them in your prayers...

The other day I was going through my DVDs and came across Prince Caspian. I love this book! The movie was shallow in comparison to the depth that the book holds. However, I did love the music video by Switchfoot. When I was reading the book to my English class, I loved reading the part when Aslan goes throughout the country gathering up workers for his army. It reminds me of how God gathers up His people to work in His army. What a perfect description of following after His leading...

I have included the video of this song. Enjoy! You probably want to turn my playlist off at the bottom of this blog.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=923b58718825672ad8ce

Phone calls and colds...

Good Monday to everyone!

I am SO glad that I am a teacher and that I have today off...ahh...

But don't be too jealous. I have a full day ahead of me. I have a couple days worth of Bible study to get done (if you have ever done a Beth Moore study, you know what I mean), a book for class to finish, and a trip to see the boys.

This is where I need prayer...

Jenny has called all weekend to ask advice for Aaron. He is not feeling well and has had a fever. I'm SO grateful that she has called me for advice--this is a good sign! In a little bit, I will be heading over to see the boys, pack them in the van, and bring them back to this side of town to see our doctor and then bring them home. Since the boys are on Medicaid, finding a doctor that will take them is difficult and since Aaron is sick we're taking him to our old doctor. This is completely God! The sinful side of me fights to be angry and bitter, but God is winning by taking over my heart by giving me opportunities to show love to Jenny. Please just pray that things go well and that a real relationship with Jenny is formed. There are also some other huge details that God is working out (I hope--in His perfect timing) that I am praying about, but those details will have to come later when God reveals Himself fully...just be praying for the church that Jenny might find in her neighborhood. I wish I could tell you what I know, but it will be much sweeter when the time comes. Just know that God is SO good and He is a God of details :)

Well that is all for now...I will keep ya'll updated on how things go today. Thank you so much for your prayers!!

Much love!

Esther

Last week it hit me that I have the free time to do a Bible study with other people--not just myself. I love doing Beth Moore studies, so I checked our church website and found a new study was starting. Since it's a Beth Moore study, I am guaranteed a lot of Bible time. Beth makes me excited to study God's word...and I love her accent mixed with her passion for God. Actually I find myself talking/teaching like she does. So watch out students!

Every Beth Moore study I have done, I find myself going through a "period of time" in life...obviously, my time in life now has been more difficult than others. She stated tonight that "coincidences are miracles in which God prefers to be anonymous". That statement spoke right to my heart! I love the story of Esther and I claimed her strength so many times when I was being called to testify in court for the boys. So I fully believe that it is not a coincidence that we are studying the book of Esther at this exact moment.

Beth also stated that we serve a God who doesn't always "part the Red Sea". Meaning, He doesn't always show Himself the way we think He might or even believe He might. So many people, and even myself, believed (fully believed) that the boys would remain with me. My Red Sea did not part. The boys are no longer with me...but God is here even when I can't hear Him speak to me. She stated that although the book of Esther has no mention of God, it is the manifestation of God in His people. We serve a big enough God to have an entire book in His word that makes no mention of Himself. That is humbled God.

So, with hope, I eagerly await the knowledge that I will gain from studying this great book.

Broken...

God says in Psalm 34:18 that, "I am close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit." My family has endured a lot this week...too many losses. I have been reading through the Psalms and this scripture stuck out with much hope that we serve a God who is close to us when we are broken...thank you God!

This has been tough. I have never been so sad, so tired, and without a plan. For twenty months I was the mother of two loving and adorable children, and I loved every minute. Due to life's demands, I quit many things...ministry in the church being one of them. I don't regret laying other responsibilities aside, I just find myself in a weird place in life now. It's weird and yet refreshing to be back at square one, trying to figure out what to do next. For the time being, I am sitting still waiting on His lead.

Last week, I was gone every night. This new found freedom can be intoxicating. However, today I found myself tired, sick and coming to terms with the quietness of my home. This was a good thing...I hope.

On Wednesday, I had coffee with my good friend Jill ...she is so strong. A true woman of God who has claimed victory over hardships. She reminded me of the need to be grateful for what God has given us. So here is what I am grateful for:

*That I had the boys for 20 months, which were filled with countless God moments. They are precious boys and I feel blessed to have been their mother. I know that God had them here for a reason and I trust that someday I will understand what that reason was...I pray for great and amazing things to come forth in their lives.

*For my family and friends who came over last Thursday night to say goodbye and to pray over the boys...there is strength in prayer!

*I am grateful that I was able to talk to the boys on Monday. This was so hard, but good all at the same time...

*I am thankful for my precious sister-in-law, Melissa, who came over and took pictures of the boys and I on their last day here...thanks Melissa!! and thanks for crying with me :)

*For my Mom and Daniel who came over on Monday and cleaned the boys' rooms and did the last bit of laundry for me...she knew I couldn't go into their rooms, she knew my heart, and served in the dearest way possible. Thanks mom and Daniel!

*For Amy who took the time to make two life books for the boys...you are an awesome aunt and sister!

*For Shannon and her scheduled prayer time for the boys. Thanks friend...

*For my movie night with Kristi...thanks for the tears! I've NEVER seen you cry in the theater!

*For my co-workers who were sensitive and patient with me...and no I wasn't on drugs :)...just tired.

*For Bridget and her willingness to stay after and workout with me and her steadfast friendship...where would I be without you friend!

*I'm really glad that my best friend lives in California, I can call her late at night :). I am grateful that I can just say that this pain sucks, and she completely knows what I mean because (unfortunately) she has been there too.

*I appreciate the distraction of great phone calls from a good friend from down south...wink!

Well tonight I am closing the day grateful for a God who is close to the brokenhearted. He is a God who is gentle and patient with me...

Here are a couple of pictures of the boys on their last day here...enjoy!