A couple of months ago, my close and dear friend Andrea sent me Angie Smith's blog Bring the Rain. This blog has come to mean so much to me. My heart resonates with her pain as she prepared to lose her daughter. You should read it, see the link to the right on this blog.
Realizing that my time is coming to an end, I am doing my best to prepare my heart and mind for this life-changing event. In Angie's blog she writes about the adventures that she took her daughter on while she was still pregnant with her. I too want to treasure every moment I have with my children, to savor every last second I have with them. I have been thinking about our little adventures...flying to Cali, Disneyland, our trip to Texas, swimming at Papaw and Grandmas, Super Papaw moments, dancing in our living room...so many sweet memories. Moments, treasured in my heart forever. I will miss so many things about my children. Their laughter around the dinner table, dancing in the car to I am Free, little things that bring joy to our day.
Throughout this process I have sought wisdom from scripture. When I was called to the witness stand, I thought of Esther walking into her court room and wondered if she felt the same passion to stand for her people as I did for my children. I have thought of how Sarah must have felt when Abraham took Isaac up to the mountain. Lately though I have sought the heart of Hannah when she dedicated Samuel to the temple. Did her heart break as mine does? When she spoke these words, "As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord" did she cry?
Yesterday we had a meeting with DCS. I knew that this meeting would consist of talking about the transition from my home to the birth parents. I have had tremendous peace about this, although I have spent time crying and mourning this loss. My wise mother reminded me that God will protect the boys whether they are in my home or the birth parents. This has come to mean so much to me. After all of the specifics of this transition was discussed, we all stood up to put our coats on, when all of a sudden I burst into tears. I had held it together so well, but I couldn't leave that room until I shared with the parents how much I have loved their children. Immedietely the birth mother started crying also. It was as if we all had kept the sadness that lingered in our hearts inside and then the flood gates opened wide to reveal the pain and suffering that we all have faced in the past twenty months
Then, words that I never thought I would hear, brokeness that I never thought I would see, came forth from the birth mother. She asked everyone to leave except for her social worker and myself. She shared that she is in stage eight and nine of N.A. and needed to apoligize for the hatred she had towards me. She hated me for raising her children and that they loved and trusted me more than her. Then she began to thank me for raising her children. She gave details of how her children are where they are today because of being in my home. Now, I am not saying these things to brag, but to show her remorse and appreciation.
The best part, and the part that softened my heart and revealed God's hand throughout this entire process, is when she asked what kind of church I attend. Did you read that?? She asked about church!!!! Jaylin has been going to their home and telling Bible stories and now they want to find a church to attend! Every week he shares a new scripture or a new story that we have read about with his parents...
simply
amazing!
So, now I look at scripture and read about David. A young boy with faith to knock down giants. How amazing it is to know that it is a three year-old little boy who is piercing the hearts of a drug addict and alcoholic...
The words of God are strong and active in the hearts of those who follow Him
...even little boys!
So although I am so sad about this loss, I know that God will be strong and mighty in these little boys. As a mother, losing a child is so painful, but knowing that my children know God and will be used to teach their parents gives me much hope.
None of this would have been possible without so many of you... My family, my parents, our friends...you have impacted these children to such depths we may not fully understand until we meet Christ and see what He saw.
Prayer is powerful!
Scripture is powerful!
Thank God for the work He has done in and through each of you.
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